Monday, July 26, 2004

A case of the Mon-days.

Let me give you an example of how the past few weeks have been going for me:

Thursday morning, 6:00 butt-ass-crack A.M.  alarm goes off (and WHY is it always Hooba Stank's song "and the reason is youuuuuu" that wakes me.  And why is it that if I hear that damn song anywhere else I immediately whimper for my pillow and want to lay down on the floor.  It's true.  I heard it in a store the other day and wanted to climb in my shopping cart and take a little napsie).

This is how I awakened that morning. 

"Hmmm, six?"  reach over and hit snooze.  On my stomach, stretch a little.  Right leg locks up into the worst cramp I have ever felt in my entire life. 

I bolt up, "holy fucking shit what the fuck is this I can't even stand it goddamnit fucking shit the PAIN!"

I stand up, let it work itself out (don't know if you're supposed to do that, but I couldn't very well lay there).

Two seconds after it's over, I sit back down on the edge of my bed and take a deep breath, and proceed to rub my eyes...only to SCRATCH MY DAMN EYEBALL.   "Holy fucking shit I can't open my goddamn EYE and when I do the pain is excrusiating and now I'm blind in one eye this is just fucking great!" (Obviously I am calm and rational in these type of situations.  CLEARLY.)

So, I walked around all day with one blurry, blinky eye that hurt like living hell.  I felt all Hugh Grant with the annoying blinking all day.  You know what I'm talking about.  High eyebrows like "what?", or confused squints like "what?", ha, or "whot?" like with an English accent.

This morning?  Although it's Monday and the busy week is looming before me?  I'm glad to say I can SEE and I won't get any weird looks from people suspecting I have a coke habit.

Happy Monday!  Whot?