Thursday, June 24, 2004

The Envelope Please

The lovely Miss Amalah wrote a very funny post today about her Company Picnic that she attended this week. I commented on said post that I would like to throw my own damn company picnic, even though I'm the only employee of my little business.

This stemmed from a conversation I had recently with a friend - he had seen a few awards on my wall that I have received over the last few years, and we got to talking about how it would be funny if I presented myself with awards on a regular basis.

THAT stemmed from a previous conversation in which I admitted to sometimes missing the antics of the office life. I stress the word sometimes.

Some of the awards we came up with:

Employee of the Month: This would be one of those huge plaques with a brass emblem for every month of year. All which would have my name for each month, and a rotating Polaroid picture of myself at the top. I debated that sometimes I'd be willing to give the award to my Dog, if he were to consider not facing me with his ass towards the window when he takes a dump. Seriously, that's worth a brass emblem.

Took A Shower Before NOON: I am guaranteed to win this award at least once a week, as sometimes I stupidly schedule early morning meetings.

Used the "F" Word Less than 10 Times Today: Really. That would be delightful.

Didn't Open Bottle of Wine Until SIX P.M.: Seriously. At 5:00 I'm all, "one...more...hour..."

Didn't Use Instant Messenger: This is one that I've been really up for earning, although I am LONELY at work.

There were more, but I can't remember now, because it's TEN o'clock P.M....a good four hours after I opened that bottle of wine.