Tuesday, July 06, 2004

Horses and Icees.

I survived the weekend, yes indeed. Without a hitch? No, there are always hitches. In the form of embarrassing the snot out of me. I give you some examples:

On Saturday I went out to do a gig. On my way there, I stopped by Toni's house to loan her some tiki torches, because that's what you do when you have every decorating item known to MAN. At one point we were standing outside and I had made a quick call on my cell phone. I had set it down to head to the powder room. This is the only time I can think of in which Miss Toni could have used her powers for evil.

At the event, I was a little nervous because I was going to be meeting the CEO of a very large company I very much wanted to do some work for - he was going to be a guest at the party I was doing. So, I made sure everything was perfect.

Soon after Mr. Big Wig arrived, my client pulled me aside to tell me she would introduce me. I was excited. There may have been drool.

Client: Mr. Big Wig, I'd like you to meet Jan, she planned the festivities for today.

I reach out to shake his hand.

Me: It's such a pleasure to meet - -

All of a sudden? A very loud "NAAAAYYYYY" - horse cry.

I looked around. I hadn't ordered horses. Client and Mr. Big Wig look around too.


Mr. Big Wig looks back at me. "The horse is coming from YOU."

Me: Wha?


Then I realized. My cell phone. In my pocket. Which apparently has an option for your phone to ring as if Mr. Ed were having a temper tantrum.

Jesus Christ.

Fortunately everyone had a good laugh. And Toni is getting the BEAT DOWN this week.

Sunday, after a long day of catering to OTHER PEOPLE'S HOLIDAY FUN, I was asked what I'd like to do to celebrate myself. I had spent all day in the very hot sun, and my dogs were tired. I wanted to sit somewhere quiet and cool. So I was then talked into seeing Spiderman 2.

But it was very late. And I was OH SO TIRED. And I couldn't STAY AWAKE in a theater with nothing but BOOM BAM CRASH KABOOOOOOM. I was DYING. I wanted Tobey and Kirstin to GO AWAY because I was quite sick of their starry-eyed can't-have-each-other longing. I was cranky.

About halfway through, I thought a jog around the empty lobby and an Icee would do the trick. Wake my ass up good.

No. I was WOKEN UP at the end of the movie, having been told I was SNORING, and HOLDING my ICEE SIDEWAYS, therefore having ICEE JUICE spill all over my WHITE TOP.

I waited until every last person (all 4 of them who weren't out whooping it up on the holiday) left before I ran like hell to the car.

Lord and LORD.

And also? I think I RUINED a SURPRISE PARTY. I had been TOLD I would be getting an invite to a friend's birthday party. NO ONE SAID IT WAS A SURPRISE (guess it WOULD on the actual INVITE). Anyhow, I saw said friend this weekend and said, "Looking forward to celebrating your birthday next month!" She looked at me all confused. Perhaps she thought I was going to take it upon myself to set aside that day as a HOLIDAY and not do anything but celebrate her damn day, I don't know. Nice way to throw out a huge ass clue there, JAN.

I'm pooped. And this week? Will be CRAZIER. If I get through it without sharing the idiotness that is me? PRAISE THE LORD.