Monday, April 26, 2004

Seinfeld. It's in my BRAIN.

I have recently discovered that a small percentage of my vocabulary/thoughts/reactions come from Seinfeld. For Seinfeld is the only show in which I have seen every single episode multiple times, and yet I still laugh as if I'm seeing it for the first time.

Here are some examples of how I incorporate Seinfeld-isms into my daily life. And how very sad and lame that makes me:

I call everyone "schmoopie". "No you're my schmoopie!"

When I'm about to regale my friends with what I think is an amazing story, I like to start off with "the sea was angry that day, my friends".

If someone trips, flubs, or does anything remotely awkward in front of me I say, "that's a shame."

"Serenity now!" is my current cell phone text greeting.

When someone tells a story and I'm about to tell one about someone else but want to keep their identity private, I'll start with "You know my friend Bob Sacamento?" This also works with "Crazy Joe Devola".

Because I only know ONE person named Ken, I like to leave messages on his voicemail in a mouthful-whimper like Kramer calling out to the Kenny Rogers Roaster when the orange neon sign gets shut off: "Kenny...?" If I knew more Ken's, I'd do it more often.

Always always use Seinfeld-sanctioned nicknames: "Re-gifter, Close Talker, Low Talker, High Talker".

When someone says "I'm sorry", I always want to come back with, "You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister."

I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to change my voicemail to me singing the following to the tune of Greatest American Hero: "Believe it or not...Jan isn't at home...where could I be???"

And it goes on and on. That show was truly brilliant. And six years later, I have yet to see anything come even remotely close to it.