Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Announcements and Embarrassments

First, the announcements:

Martha, Amy and I would like to present Snarkywood. It's The Girlfriend's Guide to Fabulousness and Fantasticity only bigger. With its own site and everything.

And before you get all, "Wow Jan really does it up big", let me tell you it is MARTHA and AMY that's responsible for its awesomeness. For I am computer handicapped. I just bust in with the comments. They make it all happen. Love them. RESPECT them. For I do.

Next, check out the cool little searchy thing at the top of the page. You can search my blog for anything your heart desires. Which should be fascinating considering I've written a piddly forty-something posts in FIVE months. But it's there. And it beats the annoying ads that used to be there. OR, when you're tired of reading my blather, you can click the "next blog" feature and stumble upon a random blog. FUN!

And now for the Embarrassments:

Last week I arrived TEN MINUTES EARLY to a meeting. This caused a stir for the group I was meeting with.

One girl came RUNNING into the conference room: "I saw Jan walking down the hall and thought, 'oh SHIT, I'm late for the meeting!'".

I made some comment about how now my new thing is to be on time to meetings. The guy at the head of the table goes, "You can be the New Jan Brady!".

You know my heart stopped for a second. Or ten.

Also, I should not be allowed to wear jewelry. Yesterday I dug up this necklace I'd never worn before. It had one of those black cords, very similar to this. I had no idea how to tie it. Surely not a knot, for I'd never get it off. So what, a little bow?

Yeah, I did the little bow thingy and then was a wreck the ENTIRE DAY, afraid it was going to fall off. So I walked around all day with no sudden neck movement. And STRESSED about it.

I think this is because I've been scarred.

Ten or so years ago? I was working at a bank, opening a new account for a customer. He was gorgeous. GORGEOUS! I was all nervous and fumbly and awkward, yet trying to be charming. I sat there all clickety-clackety typing away on the computer, when he commented on what a pretty necklace I was wearing. It was a beaded necklace with these really unusual chunky stone type beads. I blushed, and thanked him.

When we were done with his business (hee!), I stood up to thank him for coming in, and just as I reached out to shake his hand I heard this huge BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM...and he says, "Your necklace is falling apart..."

Sure enough, all the beads went spilling everywhere...all over my desk, the plastic mat under my chair...one bounced off his SUNGLASSES that were sitting on the desk.

How do you look cool when that happens?

You don't.