Friday, February 03, 2006


Yesterday afternoon I dashed out to my car, which was in my driveway, to head out to a very important meeting. I rounded the corner of my car to the driver's side to find a big pile of CRAP splashed all the way down the car window. Dried. (I'm taking another gag reflex JUST FOR YOU to share with you how glamourous my life is).

I was completely late for my meeting, so I surveyed the damage and I actually had to laugh. There was CRAP on my window. It was too big to be from a bird. It seriously looked like someone had FLUNG it at my window, which only made me laugh harder. I'm sure I looked like a loon standing there laughing at poo on my window. Now all my friends will get the idea that I would find it FUN to find dog shit burning on my front porch. For the record: I would not.

I finally figured it was probably from a cat, a cat of which I do not own. Said cat was probably crossing over my car to the neighbor's house, using my car as a fun obstacle course rather than, I don't know, just walking around my car. It was probably just at the top of the car when it heard my ferocious dog bark from the side yard and then in mid-air down from the car had the crap scared out of him, literally.

As I said, I was late, so I had to DRIVE to my meeting like this. You know how you can sense something out of your peripheral vision? Every time I came to a stop sign/light, I thought I felt something looking at me, but it was only the poop.

Even though I knew the people I was meeting with wouldn't actually see me get in or out of my car (I could have hopped off a boxcar for all they knew), I still parked a mile away and walked immediately away from the car as if there was NO WAY I just stepped out of a vehicle with crap on the window. In my head I heard someone sing, "Just a goood 'ole girl...never meanin' no harm...".

The meeting went well, and the people were so nice. One woman was telling me how horrible her day had been going, when for a second I thought I'd share my hilarious story, but somehow intelligence intervened and I decided not to.

But then I didn't even HAVE to.

A friend of mine, who had referred me to said company, came into the meeting about a half hour late, and when he sat down at the table he looked over to me and asked, "Did you know there's some sort of...crap?...on your car?"

Lesson learned: Even if you're in a suit and very late for a meeting, always hose the crap off your car. ALWAYS.

Added, but does not have anything to do with this entry, I just had to share the Shock and the Horror - I have to agree with Kitty on this one.