Smooth.

Today I went to a luncheon to accept an award, and in the span of the five minutes in which I was presented the award, I did the following:

1. Carried MY KEYS up to the stage with me (why?!) and then dropped them when handed the award.

2. Addressed the president of the company by the wrong name. The really wrong name, as in not even close.

3. Forgot to say THANK YOU. In my defense, I gave all the credit to someone else.

4. Said "wow" when some thunder roared outside during my speech.

5. Whacked a guest seated in the front row in the head with my award when walking back to my seat.