LK as CW rocks my world.
Because my Tivo thinks it knows my sense of humor (Oh YEAH, Mr. Smartypants?!), it decided to record this little gem for me. At first, I was going to erase it just because I didn't recognize the show. But at 2:30 in the morning Saturday night, just returning from a late night out, I sat in bed and watched it...and ended up laughing so hard at one of the sketches, I thought I might possibly die.
The host made a hilarious crank call to a restaurant, pretending to be this gentleman.
Oh my God.
So terribly funny.
I've seen it 852 times. Or a dozen. Since you probably won't see it, I took the liberty of transcribing it, because it really is just way too funny. Of course it won't come across as funny without hearing the guy's impersonation - it was dead on. I'll throw it your way, anyway.
(Lance poses as CW's assistant, telling the manager that he'd like her to talk to CW)
Christopher Walken: Hello.
Restaurant Lady: Hello Christopher, this is (name).
CW: It’s Mr. Walken.
RL: Oh, Mr. Walken, I apologize.
CW: Anyways. I’d like to come to your restaurant today if you don’t mind.
RL: Oh, that’d be a pleasure.
CW: Now, what sort of food do you have? Cos a friend of mine told me it was good, but I don’t know.
RL: Uh, what we do serve is…south we-…south we-uhh…southern cuisine?
CW: Why don’t you learn how to speak? Because I didn’t understand what the hell you just said.
RL: I’m sorry…um…
CW: Why don’t you repeat that slowly. Take a breath!
RL: Okay, can I put you on hold for one second please?
CW: Are you serious? You’re gonna put me on hold? For how long?
RL: Just two seconds, I gotta get…
CW: I’m gonna count. Starting now!
RL: Okay…
CW: One thousand one. One thousand two. (time elapsed) One thousand six. One thousand seven.
RL: Thank you for holding, Sir.
CW: That was seven seconds.
RL: I…I apologize Sir, I’m brand new here and I don’t know the menu yet.
CW: Alright, so, here we go. I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna come in there, and I’m gonna bring some McDonalds.
RL: You’re gonna bring some McDonalds?
CW: (pause) And I’m gonna eat that McDonalds if I don’t like my food. So, I’m gonna order something, and if I don’t like it, in front of your waiters and your customers, I’m gonna have a Whoppah! And a Big Mac. And then I’m gonna have some fries. And I’m gonna chase it with (pause) a vanilla SHAKE.
RL: Sir, would you like me to give you an idea of what kind of entrees we have?
CW: Sure, why not? That would be nice.
RL: Sure, we have duck leg (inaudible)...
CW: Duck leg?! No thanks, already.
RL: Okay, we have filet of beef?
CW: Filet of beef? You can put that filet in my ass.
RL: Okay, seared salmon filet?
CW: Nope!
RL: And…farm raised bison?
CW: Oh, hell no!
RL: How about salads, do you enjoy salads?
CW: Do I look like a cow? No, I don’t enjoy salads. Like I said, I’m gonna bring some rock shrimp and a Whoppah, alright, and we’ll see what happens. Thank you very much.
You must watch this show. MUST!
The host made a hilarious crank call to a restaurant, pretending to be this gentleman.
Oh my God.
So terribly funny.
I've seen it 852 times. Or a dozen. Since you probably won't see it, I took the liberty of transcribing it, because it really is just way too funny. Of course it won't come across as funny without hearing the guy's impersonation - it was dead on. I'll throw it your way, anyway.
(Lance poses as CW's assistant, telling the manager that he'd like her to talk to CW)
Christopher Walken: Hello.
Restaurant Lady: Hello Christopher, this is (name).
CW: It’s Mr. Walken.
RL: Oh, Mr. Walken, I apologize.
CW: Anyways. I’d like to come to your restaurant today if you don’t mind.
RL: Oh, that’d be a pleasure.
CW: Now, what sort of food do you have? Cos a friend of mine told me it was good, but I don’t know.
RL: Uh, what we do serve is…south we-…south we-uhh…southern cuisine?
CW: Why don’t you learn how to speak? Because I didn’t understand what the hell you just said.
RL: I’m sorry…um…
CW: Why don’t you repeat that slowly. Take a breath!
RL: Okay, can I put you on hold for one second please?
CW: Are you serious? You’re gonna put me on hold? For how long?
RL: Just two seconds, I gotta get…
CW: I’m gonna count. Starting now!
RL: Okay…
CW: One thousand one. One thousand two. (time elapsed) One thousand six. One thousand seven.
RL: Thank you for holding, Sir.
CW: That was seven seconds.
RL: I…I apologize Sir, I’m brand new here and I don’t know the menu yet.
CW: Alright, so, here we go. I’ll tell you what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna come in there, and I’m gonna bring some McDonalds.
RL: You’re gonna bring some McDonalds?
CW: (pause) And I’m gonna eat that McDonalds if I don’t like my food. So, I’m gonna order something, and if I don’t like it, in front of your waiters and your customers, I’m gonna have a Whoppah! And a Big Mac. And then I’m gonna have some fries. And I’m gonna chase it with (pause) a vanilla SHAKE.
RL: Sir, would you like me to give you an idea of what kind of entrees we have?
CW: Sure, why not? That would be nice.
RL: Sure, we have duck leg (inaudible)...
CW: Duck leg?! No thanks, already.
RL: Okay, we have filet of beef?
CW: Filet of beef? You can put that filet in my ass.
RL: Okay, seared salmon filet?
CW: Nope!
RL: And…farm raised bison?
CW: Oh, hell no!
RL: How about salads, do you enjoy salads?
CW: Do I look like a cow? No, I don’t enjoy salads. Like I said, I’m gonna bring some rock shrimp and a Whoppah, alright, and we’ll see what happens. Thank you very much.
You must watch this show. MUST!
<< Home