But I was thirsty?
Today I visited an establishment where you purchase gifts for women who are about to bear another person into this world. I was half-ass zipping in, crumpled wish list in hand, hurry hurry hurry I need to be two other places RIGHT NOW.
Standing in line waiting for someone to ring me up, I noticed a little sign near the cash register. It said:
"Shopping from a registry? If we forget to ask you, enjoy a beverage on us."
This is how my lame brain interpreted it.
"Hmmm. That's pretty neat that you get something to drink just for shopping off a registry."
"I didn't see anyone sipping anything in the aisles?"
"Maybe they give you something to drink on your way home?"
"That would be nice."
"I'm sorta parched."
When I got up to the check-out lady I said, "I shopped from a registry, so I guess I get a beverage?"
The lady tilted her head and looked at me. "But, I didn't get a chance to ask you yet, Ma'am."
"Well," I say, setting my purse on the counter, "I'll just take what you have. What are my choices?"
YES THIS REALLY HAPPENED.
"Ma'am? We only give you a coupon for a drink...if we forget to ask you if you're shopping from a registry...so that we can take your item off the recipient's list...it's sort of a reminder thing?"
This is when my brain yells to myself: YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID AND YOU CAN'T PULL THIS ONE OFF IN ANY COOL MANNER WHATSOEVER.
"Ohhh...." I stammer.
She looks at the registry, takes the item off my list, and I can see she's trying to keep her shit together, her jaw has clenched, and her hand is shaking while holding the zapper thing.
"You can laugh if you want."
She lets out a huge, relieved laugh. "Ma'am, that was just the cutest thing. I'm going to give you a coupon just for making my day."
"Excellent. But I can't drink a coupon, now can I? I'm thirsty!"
"You really pictured people walking around, holding lists, sipping on drinks, didn't you?"
"Lattes, to be exact."
Standing in line waiting for someone to ring me up, I noticed a little sign near the cash register. It said:
This is how my lame brain interpreted it.
"Hmmm. That's pretty neat that you get something to drink just for shopping off a registry."
"I didn't see anyone sipping anything in the aisles?"
"Maybe they give you something to drink on your way home?"
"That would be nice."
"I'm sorta parched."
When I got up to the check-out lady I said, "I shopped from a registry, so I guess I get a beverage?"
The lady tilted her head and looked at me. "But, I didn't get a chance to ask you yet, Ma'am."
"Well," I say, setting my purse on the counter, "I'll just take what you have. What are my choices?"
YES THIS REALLY HAPPENED.
"Ma'am? We only give you a coupon for a drink...if we forget to ask you if you're shopping from a registry...so that we can take your item off the recipient's list...it's sort of a reminder thing?"
This is when my brain yells to myself: YOU ARE SO FUCKING STUPID AND YOU CAN'T PULL THIS ONE OFF IN ANY COOL MANNER WHATSOEVER.
"Ohhh...." I stammer.
She looks at the registry, takes the item off my list, and I can see she's trying to keep her shit together, her jaw has clenched, and her hand is shaking while holding the zapper thing.
"You can laugh if you want."
She lets out a huge, relieved laugh. "Ma'am, that was just the cutest thing. I'm going to give you a coupon just for making my day."
"Excellent. But I can't drink a coupon, now can I? I'm thirsty!"
"You really pictured people walking around, holding lists, sipping on drinks, didn't you?"
"Lattes, to be exact."
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