"Let's get some fucking chicken!"*

Overheard at a party last night:

Girl: Do I look fat in this?

Guy: Not really, but I can't see past your head.

*Tell me what movie this quote is from. I know you know, Gene.

Jan's a big BABY.

I've been a little boo-hooer the last few days. Not depressed, doom and gloom, just ready to turn on the water works in an instant. Without wanting to!

It started when I was making dinner the other night and my dish didn't look ANYTHING like the picture of the recipe. Even though I followed the recipe to the LETTER. And didn't have one drop of alcohol during the whole process. I looked in the pan, looked at the picture, and then: BOO HOO.

Next day I saw a bunny run across a street and miss getting hit by a BMW within a billionth of a second. The bunny is safe: Still, BOO HOO.

Last night it was a combination of 2:00 a.m. and the last scene of this series that has taken me since CHRISTMAS to watch all the way through and Lord I'm in love with these men now.

And that's it. I'm doing well, just a bit sniffly here and there.

Obviously I'm really tired. I'm always tear provoked when exhausted.

Things I Don't Understand - Part 1

Why do people include their BABY'S NAME on their outgoing answering machine? Do babies get a lot of calls? This epidemic is happening a lot lately, and frankly it boggles my mind.

Sorry if you do this, I just don't get it.

'scuse me. CLICK.

I just ordered nachos from a fabulous hole in the wall place that I love. Trouble is, I BURPED on the phone right after I said "light on the sour cream".

"Light on the sour cream..." BUUUUUUUURP. "YOU GOT THAT?"

Good Lord. Thank you, Corona with lime!

That reminds me of a time when I was a tender 17 or so and I was working as a receptionist at a beauty salon. I reported to work with the largest largey Dr. Pepper that your mama ever did see, and as I was sucking it down as if it were the nectar of life, the owner asked me to call some hairdresser to tell her she was hired.

Easy!

I dialed the number, she answered.

"Suzie?"

"Yes?"

BUUUUUUURP.

And then I died. As well as everyone in the salon.

Two or three months later? I was ringing up some shampoo for a lady and she starts giggling while she's writing her check.

Me all happy, because PLEASE SHARE the laughs: "What's so funny?"

"I'm sorry, but I was in here a few months ago...(LAUGH)...and you were on the phone with someone and (LAUGH) BURPED like I've never heard before...."

Man. Now I have to have someone else call in all future nacho orders.