Monday, December 11, 2006

Special thanks to...

...the waitress who spilled a soft drink down my lap after she asked me if she could get me anything else. Um, how about a napkin? Can I borrow your skirt, for the meeting I have in like two minutes?

...the cast of Scrubs for making this video. Especially Turk, you really cracked me up. Internet connection for being a little bitch today.

...the band U2, thank you for waiting about 17 years before I finally came around and suddenly became obsessed with your music. You guys are really patient. for keeping me company as I type and type and type and file and file and file. Today's one of those office days that makes me happy to have you around. Especially since you sorta sucked ass on my Depeche Mode channel (I saw you try to sneak in Britney), as well as my Enya one for those quiet times - yet you've come through like crazy on my U2 channel and me thanks you for the random sneak-ins of Bruce Springsteen and Led Zepplin. You're good folks.

...Bitter Betty for entering and winning my silly little Brady pic contest (and shhh, let's not tell her she was THE ONLY ONE WHO DID - this is why I suck at the whole "Internet Community" thing - I have no idea what the kids these days find entertaining/amusing).

Anyway, she managed to make young tart Alice turn all bitchy, and for that I'm thankful:

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"I can't believe Florence Henderson was cast as the wife. I hate that bitch."

Thursday, December 07, 2006


Yesterday afternoon, I came off a highway exit and was sitting at a red light, when I lazily turned my head to the right to look at the stopped car next to me, when all of a sudden I saw a something wet hit the middle of my passenger side window and a man in his car with his mouth paused like he had just spit. Or spat. Or, hocked a loog.

What the? Did he...just....SPIT AT MY CAR?

The guy's eyes got wide, and he quickly started jesturing that he'd just made some sort of horrible mistake to which I thought 'yes you did, buddy!'. He glanced back to make sure the light was still red, and then JUMPED OUT OF HIS CAR and started yelling, "I'm SO SORRY!" over and over again.

I must have been sitting there with my mouth open and frozen, because I just couldn't move, and I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on.

He motioned for me to crack my window open. I hesitated for a second, but relented and cracked it just a ways down, and watched as his loog slowly meandered down the window.

Dressed in a suit, he adjusted his tie and all I heard was something about how he didn't mean to hit my car, would I like some money for a carwash?

I waved him off that it was fine, hell I get spit on everyday!, and told him he'd better get back in his car because the light had just turned green.

To which the guy behind him honked furiously.

He tried wiping the loog with the bottom of his tie, I gagged a little, and waited for him to back away so I could speed off.

I stopped at a gas station car wash, and chalked this up as a new one. As you do in this sort of situation.

Monday, December 04, 2006

My mama always said I was a winner. And you can be one, too!

I done and gone won in the NaBloPoMo contest. Weee. This is more exciting than the time I won tickets to see New Edition in concert. When I was 12. Which is about the last time I won something (that was like 1981 for those playing at home). So again, weeeee.

Evidently I won the "Best Celebrity-oriented post" for my whacky dream starring Huey Lewis and Prince Charles. Hey, your peanut butter is in my chocolate! (sorry, 1981 calling again)

The prize is a celebrity tabloid scrapbook, given by the Agent of Distraction herself, Nina.

Whilst I am honored, and tickled, I'd like to give that prize on to someone else if she doesn't mind too much.

So, I propose this. The hardest part of blogging every day for 30 days straight were the damn Brady Daily Pics. I'd like to see what everyone else is working with.

The deal is this: I will post a Brady pic, and if you've got a caption for it, send it in. My favorite one will win Nina's awesome celebrity tabloid scrapbook.

E-mail your caption to: newjanb at hot mail dot com.

Contest ends Thursday night, winner to be announced Friday.

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If you can't tell, it's a young tart Alice.