Cut THIS, woman!

I think Omarosa cut me off at the Taco Bell drive-thru today. Little Miss Thang was behind me pulling into the parking lot and then DARTED through to pull into the line faster.

You know what I like to do when people THINK they pissed me off? Smile my ass off like I don't have a damn care in the world. So, when Miss Thang looked in her side rearview mirror to see my reaction? I smiled as if I had just finished singing "Jesus Loves Me, This I Know". Oh yes, it pisses THEM off. I will not give Omarosa that satisfaction! Take THAT in your beatup Paseo! HOOOOO!

I should have been pissed, for I was FINALLY getting some lunch at 3:00 p.m. But, I just wouldn't let her have it.

I also saw a couple making out in a convertable in the parking lot. At first I was all, "what the hell...?" but then I thought, shit, a spicy bean burrito double wrapped with no onions makes me a little frisky, too. So to them I say, God Speed! And watch out for Omarosa!

If you're not watching The Office, shame on you. Truly brilliant. I only had to wait nearly 7 years, since Seinfeld went off the air, for greatness.

Some schtuff.

INVITES:

Toni Toni Toni's invitations are DONE and they only took me THREE DAYS and I only got TWO papercuts and just TODAY the ink finally decided to wash off my hands for good. I call that success. All fifty of them made their way out into the world this week, and now I'm getting calls from some people I don't know, saying yes they will come to my house next month. Is it wrong to say, "Let's talk about the invitation for a while. Just how dreamy was it?"...? Or to ask them to frame them as artwork in their homes? I think not.

COMPANY:

This week I had two out-of-state visitors. One was my girlfriend Kathie who I have known for SIXTEEN years. That's a long time, you know. I met her when I was 19 and got my first REAL job...as a bank teller. We saw Steel Magnolias in the THEATER, that's how old our friendship is. Of course, she said whenever she sees that movie she is always reminded of how I had dropped my soda and it rolled all the way down to the front of the theater. Memories!

The other visitor is my friend William, who was out to California to show off his new woman. Toni and I heard through a circle of friends that William and his woman have been getting it on in a very freaky manner lately, and we are appalled. And totally not prepared because we just cannot IMAGINE William getting freaky and it's causing all sorts of OHMYGOODNESS and buzz and whatnot. I was able to squeeze in lunch with them and I had to imagine puppies and sunshine and butterflies the entire time because I just DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT. It's gotten to the point to now when Toni and I need to punish or zing each other we just blurt out "WILLIAM SEX!" and then we recoil in horror and whatever we are arguing about disappears into nothingness.

FAIRY GODMOTHER:
Yesterday was my Goddaughter's birthday, she turned seven. I am loving that she is more talkative on the phone now - she is a constant source of entertainment. Last night she was lementing that it's taking her two front teeth FOREVER to come in. I was trying to comfort her and telling her that it takes time and such, and she goes, "I don't care. I look like a damn idiot!" Aw, she made her Godmother proud.

And...I'm out of time.

It's just a game.

After two nights of insane craziness and late nighty-ness, I am sitting here on Sunday morning in a daze.

I have a new passion in my life. I'll give you a clue as to what it is. It's a card game. It rhymes with Al Roker. Or at least his last name.

Good God, I'm crazy addicted. I have sat and sat and sat and played for many, many hours.

And you know what else? I'm actually GOOD. This is perhaps why I like it so much. I'm usually NOT so good at games and sports and the like, so kicking some ass feels pretty damn good.

It's also a great game for hanging out with people. I've had hour long stretches this weekend in which I had to put my head down I was laughing so hard. Or had to go outside just to give my stomach a break from the laughter.

My liver, it doesn't like the game so much. Alcohol is obviously a requirement to the game.

As I'm sitting here on five hours of sleep, drinking glass after glass of water, I'm already itching to play again.

I cannot. For I have to MAKE very many invitations to one TTT's bridal shower. Yes. MAKE. I spent an hour and a half with a sales lady at one of those crafty paper stores who was all, "All you do is THIS THIS and THIS and LOOK, it's adorable!"

PRAY for me. I don't have one ounce of crafty capableness in my body.

I think I heard her laugh when she sent me on my way. I will be at this all day.

Prince, he likes the salty snacks.

The other day, Toni Toni Toni and I were driving around, when we got behind a woman in a VW Bug who had the Prince symbol on her rear window.

Toni: Um, lady? Prince goes by Prince now. He doesn't go by shwooooooop (tracing his symbol in the air) anymore.

This inspired us to put in Prince's greatest hits.

Later we rolled through a Burger King drive thru to get something to drink.

Me: One small Diet Coke, one small Sprite please.

Drive-up lady: Will that be all?

Me: Yes, thank you.

Drive-up lady: Okay, one small Diet Coke, one small Sprite, what size fries?

Me: No fries, thank you.

(Toni's humming along to Purple Rain, the longest song in the world.)

Drive-up lady: Which fries?

Me: NO FRIES, please. Just the drinks.

Drive-up lady: Oh. Okay, second window, please.

Toni: Maybe Prince ordered fries and we just didn't hear him.

Me: 'I only want to see you laughing...small fries...in the Purple RAIN..."

(We pull up to the window.)

Drive-up lady: (hands me drinks) Your fries will be up in a second.

Me: HAHA, that's funny! (starts to roll car forward to head out)

Drive-up lady: NO! Your FRIES! Wait!

Me: Are you serious? I DIDN'T ORDER FRIES. Remember?

Drive-up lady: (confused look)

Toni: I'm telling you, it was Prince!

Drive-up lady: (confused look)

Me: There were never fries.

Some dude hands Drive-up lady small bag to give to us.

Drive-up lady to dude: There were never fries.

Toni, leaning over me to face people in window: "Purple Rain, people. PURPLE RAIN."

And then we about peeled out.

Jan just never wins.

I found this to be rather amusing: Apparently Yahoo Buzz reported that Brady searches are up lately...and yet JAN is the least popular Brady kid to be searched. I beg to differ, but they probably know what they're talking about there at Yahoo.

What's even funnier is that my site comes up as the number 2 search result for Jan. Poor, poor Jan. Even when people are searching for her, they don't get her.

P.S.: Thanks for all the nice comments, you guys.